What you can do while you're waiting....

also posted on Becoming and Choice Mom blogs, because it's just that important:

A 40-year-old Choice Mom-in-the-making, who lived in the D.C. area, suddenly died Christmas Day while 32.5-weeks pregnant, from the very rare pregnancy complication of HELLPS (Hemolytic anemia, Elevated Liver enzymes, and Low Platelet count).

Her baby boy was born safely, but she did not get to meet him.

On SO many levels this is tragic and makes all of us in the Choice Mom community stop with a collective gasp and remember what a blessing it is that all of us are here to enjoy the friends and family that surround us.

There are two silver linings in this woman's story.

One is that she was connected to her local Single Mothers by Choice community, which is now contributing to a trust fund in her son's name. Choice Moms is now beginning the steps toward establishing a fundraising event to involve our worldwide community. I'll continue to post here as this develops.

The second silver lining is that she was as prepared as anyone can be for this kind of tragedy.

This woman already had a guardian picked out, life insurance, and a will prepared. But most of us don't have this level of foresight, especially when we are so eager to conceive, deliver and embark on motherhood for the first time.

Choice Moms wants to help all of us become better educated about the importance of these steps BEFORE you plan to bring a child home. As Jessica, who told me about this woman's story, pointed out, many insurance companies won't give you insurance if you are pregnant.

We will be hosting an event in D.C. on May 9 (the day before Mother's Day) to help build awareness about what we need to do, as single parents, for our children legally and financially. In the meantime, while you are waiting to bring a child home, check out the ChoiceMoms.org website this month to learn more about what you can do to prepare.

Worrying about miscarriage

A Choice Mom-in-the-making, 8 weeks pregnant, reported on her first prenatal visit. It was a scary prospect for her originally -- a year earlier she discovered there was no heartbeat during that first prenatal visit. Now, heartbeat strong, she knew she was taking a step further than she'd gone before...."and I feel so much -- every pinch, stretch, pull in my lower abdomen, and I find it difficult not to worry." She had looked up symptoms of miscarriage, and was simply looking to the Choice Mom community for reassurance that others had felt what she was feeling. She hadn't yet talked to friends about her journey, because she wants to get past the first trimester before sharing her news.

Choice Mom Christine responded:
Welcome to the beginning of motherhood -- and it sounds like you are following the normal 'worry' path! In one of my baby chat groups, a woman actually laid out the stages of motherhood worry: worrying about miscarriage, about movement and kick counts throughout pregnancy, about birth, about SIDS, about meeting their developmental milestones, about autism. And I think that pretty much gets you through the first three years!

This is not to belittle your worries -- they are in fact very real -- especially when you have already gone through the disappointment that you have. I just wanted to know that you are not alone. If you are truly concerned, I would contact your doc. Also, if you find yourself getting really anxious, close your eyes and remember seeing that heartbeat on the ultrasound and focus positive energy and thoughts down that way.

I don't know if the following will help, but it helped me when I was pregnant with my first. I, too, was very worried about the prospect of miscarriage throughout my first trimester. I had a very good friend who has two children, and I was voicing my concerns to her. She said she was also worried with her first child because she was in law school at the time and carrying a 80 lb. backpack filled with heavy law books all over campus. She said when she brought it up to her doctor (whether the heavy load could lead to miscarriage), he told her that this fetus is either implanted securely or not -- and that there was not a lot she could do from the outside to change things either way.

As a controlling person, it helped me to realize I could not physically control this situation, and it helped me to let go. Whenever I felt myself worrying, I would remind myself I had no control and how much energy all this worry was wasting.

Good luck to you!
Christine, 44, mom to 3.5 year old and 34 weeks with #2

Another Choice Mom-in-the-making wrote:
After two miscarriages (including one of them only discovered at my first prenatal visit, like you), I also worried about every single weird feeling, every bit of discharge, and still don't feel completely relaxed. But I am at 8 months and things look good, so I just wanted to say that I totally understand how you feel and it is very possible to feel that way and still get this far.

I wish you tons of continued sticky baby dust!