What you can do while you're waiting....

also posted on Becoming and Choice Mom blogs, because it's just that important:

A 40-year-old Choice Mom-in-the-making, who lived in the D.C. area, suddenly died Christmas Day while 32.5-weeks pregnant, from the very rare pregnancy complication of HELLPS (Hemolytic anemia, Elevated Liver enzymes, and Low Platelet count).

Her baby boy was born safely, but she did not get to meet him.

On SO many levels this is tragic and makes all of us in the Choice Mom community stop with a collective gasp and remember what a blessing it is that all of us are here to enjoy the friends and family that surround us.

There are two silver linings in this woman's story.

One is that she was connected to her local Single Mothers by Choice community, which is now contributing to a trust fund in her son's name. Choice Moms is now beginning the steps toward establishing a fundraising event to involve our worldwide community. I'll continue to post here as this develops.

The second silver lining is that she was as prepared as anyone can be for this kind of tragedy.

This woman already had a guardian picked out, life insurance, and a will prepared. But most of us don't have this level of foresight, especially when we are so eager to conceive, deliver and embark on motherhood for the first time.

Choice Moms wants to help all of us become better educated about the importance of these steps BEFORE you plan to bring a child home. As Jessica, who told me about this woman's story, pointed out, many insurance companies won't give you insurance if you are pregnant.

We will be hosting an event in D.C. on May 9 (the day before Mother's Day) to help build awareness about what we need to do, as single parents, for our children legally and financially. In the meantime, while you are waiting to bring a child home, check out the ChoiceMoms.org website this month to learn more about what you can do to prepare.

Identifying your pivot points

I can be an impatient person. I like to gnaw and obsess and fixate on a problem until I've figured it out and can move on.

Being in the waiting stage of the Choice Mom journey is very much a process largely out of our control. We need to wait for the referral....the test....the savings...the due date...the right time. Women in the Waiting stage regularly visit the Choice Moms discussion board and ask if there is anything they can do to make the waiting easier.

I have a new solution for this agonizing stage: Bide the time by identifying your pivot points. It's fun. It's reflective. It's something totally in your control because it involves only the benefit of your own perspective.

At a workshop I attended at my church a year ago, we were asked to discuss the points along our spiritual journey that helped us become who we are today. It was intended as an innocent get-acquainted step, but became a profound process for every one of us in the circle. Because, really, how often do any of us have the opportunity to think back to specific moments and people who made an impact on our lives, and then articulate it to others?

It was a watershed moment for me. Dare I say, a pivotal moment.

Since then I have consciously been noodling thoughts about how each of us evolves from a handful of life-shaping experiences. Some of these moments are tragic. Some are simple. Some are profound. Some take years before we can realize the impact.

One of my first pivot points, as I call them, was meeting my friend Troy in ninth grade. He was someone who colored freely outside the lines. To this day, despite a great deal of ups and downs between us in the intervening years, he remains my most loyal friend and knows all of my secrets.

I've had about 7 pivot points since then. Moments that deeply affected the course I was on. And these days, I'm consciously dusting them off, greeting them, and embracing them -- even the bad ones -- in order to pass the time between this particular stage of my life and the next.

Two weeks ago, I talked to a new friend about a person I had lost touch with more than 10 years ago, who unwittingly had a major influence on my life but never knew it.

I regret very few things in life, but one that did occasionally gnaw at me was that my old friend never knew that a few comments she made during a simple girls' night outing back in the 1990s led me to deal with some old baggage and eventually open up into the much deeper life I have today. I sometimes wonder, had she not been that pivot point for me, whether I would be a Mom now.

In true amazing universe fashion, after dusting off this old memory with my new friend two weeks ago, I ran into my pivot point not 15 minutes after arriving back in New York City for a Choice Mom workshop. I got her email address and, a few days later, had the pleasure of writing her the story about how she unknowingly had such a major influence on my life.

It felt great!

While you're waiting for the next stage of your life to begin, take the time to reflect and honor the big moments, small moments, unhappy moments, and pivotal encounters that have led you to become the very person you are today.

Warmly,
Mikki