First trimester fatigue

A Choice Mom 8 weeks pregnant feels exhausted at even the thought of throwing out trash, cleaning her house, making dinner, going to more doctor appointments alone -- and spending the upcoming holidays with sometimes disapproving family. She got some great "been there" support from others about the first trimester blues.

Here's a post from Kristina that well encapsulated the insight:


It will get better. I promise. My house was a complete pigsty by the time my first trimester was done. I still remember the day actually got to vacuum everything. It felt sooooo good. I did only what I had to (i.e. the cat litter box, the kitchen and the bathroom laundry only when I ran out of underwear and once I bought more, because it seemed simpler).

I had a list of people that I called after each appointment. They never asked to be called, I just called them, and they always welcomed the news. It made it a little better, and I really liked my OB. I had been going to him for years. I didn't even care that he was out of network on my secondary insurance it was worth the cost.

Breathing maybe harder because everything is pushing up before it pushes out. I never really got relief as I carried my son high until he dropped 4 weeks before I delivered.

On the food front. I gave up bring my lunch to work. It was too hard to decide what I would want to eat come lunch time, and most of the time in the morning that thought of any food made me just want to throw up. I don't remember what I did for most dinners, but I never left the house without an emergency snack of some sort.

All of this got better in the second trimester. I would take the third trimester any day over the first. In fact the thought of another first trimester is a big consideration in T42.

What about you? Any insight from your own experience?

Need something to read? Try this

If you're looking for ways to fill the time as you wait to take your pregnancy test...or for adoption paperwork to move through the system...or to get to your due date...

read the December 2009 (12:4, p 175-184) article about the wonderful community of Choice Moms worldwide that you are joining, as detailed in a survey report by Susan Golombok's Cambridge University research team, "'Mom by choice, single by life's circumstance…' Findings from a large scale survey of the experiences of single mothers by choice."

You can access it from ChoiceMoms.org.

Mikki

Waiting on third IVF

submitted by Jen

This is the first day of my third 2ww. My first two IVF cycles failed. The first one was with my then husband, and I was so stressed out. I got ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (OHSS). It was the summer of 2006. I got upset at him for every little thing, some things littler than others, and the schedule was difficult because we needed to move 1000 miles away between the retrieval and the transfer. He did the move and I followed, then I started work right away.

When I got the call that I wasn’t pregnant I thought the nurse was joking. The embryos had high fragmentation. I was so upset that I told my husband we had to take a weekend away, right away. A good friend at work who was also ttc got her good news the same day. I spent about two months researching my options, the details of fragmentation, getting second, third, and fourth opinions on chat lines (AFA) with doctors, with RESOLVE, with doctors I saw in person.

The next time I tried IVF was this past March-April. I got OHSS again and I was in the middle of an acrimonious divorce. The embryos looked a lot better this time and had low fragmentation. My dr wanted to try again, on a lower dose of gonal-F and repronex, and we did it. I cried once a day because I felt so alone. I did get better at the SC injections. The IM injection of HcG took a few tries, and when I succeeded I called a friend. I think I knew it didn’t work in advance, and when the nurse called I wasn’t surprised.

I was okay until I talked to my mom, at which point her crying led me to cry. I had to suspend treatments for four months at that point because of travel and work.

My biggest fear is miscarriage, because I’ll have gotten my hopes up for weeks and then I’ll be devastated.

My biggest fear is that I’ll be disappointed; that I’m ‘jinxing’ myself by thinking too much and telling family and a few close friends about the process. Like I’ll let them down, and let myself down. I want to do something meaningful every day of this
two-week journey, no matter how small it is. Today I asked for something I wanted -- dinner delivered to me by a family member -- and I got it. The pleasure in knowing I can ask others for what I need, which hasn’t always been the case, and the fact of their response are equally important to me.

I went to yoga this morning for the first time in months, and I loved it. I am proud of that too. I hope that I can live these two weeks in ways that are dignified and
loving and passionate. That I’ll hope, and accept the outcome no matter what it is. I got through it on those earlier tries, didn’t I?

Phantom pregnancies and other bumps in the night

a thread on the discussion board from women in the agonizing WAIT stage prompted this response from Lorie, well worth sharing:

This post is great because it bought out all the "weird" things we do when TTC.

Leading up to the first try I had rearranged my whole life mentally. I had a serious talk to my flatmate (I was sharing with my best friend) about the baby that was coming and telling her that she needed to decide whether she was prepared to share with a single mother and baby etc etc.

Three days after my IUI, I started getting pregnancy symptoms, needing to go to the toilet often, feeling like my tummy had gotten bigger. A few days later I thought my breast were so much bigger that I needed a new bra. By this stage my flatmate thought I had completely lost the plot and said she really began getting worried when I kept putting my hand on my belly like 9-month pregnant women do.

Of course my weirdness must have rubbed off because when I did my pregnancy test on some ridiculous day, like day 8, I got a very very faint line and I remember jumping for joy with her in the bathroom and then she said "I'll do the other pregnancy test too, to make sure they work," knowing that she couldn't be pregnant. I remember jumping for joy that hers was blank.

I also remember how much sadder I got each day after that joyful day, when my pregnancy tests were blank. When my period finally came, it was the first time I really understood the true significance of bleeding each month -- previously it was something that was just annoying really. And then the emptiness of the next few days.

Of course I giggle now looking back, because being blessed enough to have become pregnant -- five tries and two years later -- I now understand when the symptoms come (or more to the point, how late in the pregnancy they actually come).

But that first try...I was so excited and so hopeful and so certain. I had done lots of reading and was practically a pregnancy symptoms expert before the IUI. Prior to my first attempt I would longingly look at baby things all the time and had to stop myself from buying them.

One of the real joys I had during pregnancy was when I felt I was able to look AND buy. I had sooo many baby clothes by the time my baby was born -- she happened to be born about the size of a 3-month-old at birth and didn't even fit into half the little cutey things I had bought.

Everything about wanting a baby is weird, but in a wonderful way. How it creeps up on you, how it overtakes your every cell, and how you will go through so much to get one. And how scary it is when it fails. And how hard it is sometimes to resign yourself to the fact that its not going to be (as I did when I was T42, six IVF treatments later, having to start from scratch each time).

I think that it's nature's way of letting us know that we are ready and making us do what it takes to get one.

So I say cheers to all the weird things that push us along to one of the most magnificent journeys you could ever undertake.

Waiting on IVF eggs...

submitted by Kriste

I am in my first (and only) 2ww. I underwent an IVF transfer on Tuesday. I can only afford to do this once, so to be honest, I am almost dreading the blood test next week. It could be a wonderful day, or it might be devastating. In any case, good luck to you! It is so hard to be in limbo like this. I'll be thinking of you.

For anyone who is interested in the experience of my last few days, you are welcome to read on . . .

My younger sister is my egg donor. The egg retrieval came sooner than we expected. It was on Saturday morning, and it didn't go as well as we had hoped. The doctors were not able to reach one of her ovaries at all, so there were only 6 oocytes retrieved. We were very disappointed; no one had told us that this could happen, but they had told us that were at least 12 ready to retrieve. Since this is the only retrieval I was planning on subjecting my dear sister to, we were really counting on those 12 (I was hoping to cryopreserve at least 2 embryos for another try, in case this time didn't work). We were both pretty crushed on Saturday. I was even more so because I knew my sister was upset, and that alone broke my heart.

On Sunday, the embryologist called to say that only 3 of the eggs had fertilized. I spent all of Sunday and Monday terribly depressed and worried about further attrition. I had not contemplated the possibility of coming *this* far and then maybe not having anything to transfer.

The transfer was on Tuesday morning. There was only one really good embryo that had made it to the 8 cell division. One was 5 cells with fragments and the other was only 4 cells. The doctors said that it was possible those last 2 embryos would develop further if they were in the womb, but that they probably wouldn't do as well in the lab, and they probably would not survive cryopreservation. Considering that this was my one and only chance, the doctors felt that it was okay to transfer all 3, even though the limit at this clinic is 2. I was okay with that, since I was not feeling very optimistic.

In summary, I have been alternately freaked out or depressed since Friday (that was the day I started the evil progesterone shots), but yesterday I started to feel a little more positive. I've decided to concentrate very hard on the "now". Right "now", I have three tiny embryos floating around in my uterus- three potential beings! I was diagnosed with POF at age 14 and never in my life thought that this would be possible, so that itself is worth celebrating, right? (Oh, I have pictures of them too- isn't that so weird? Imagine having pics of yourself as an embryo in your baby book!) Hopefully this weekend at least one of them will implant . . .

In the meantime, I am ready to burst into tears at the slightest provocation.

Another kind of two week wait

Here's another Choice Mom/Mum-in-the-making who has a different kind of two week wait.

Pays to be reminded: there are so many thing we wait for in life. Not everything is in our control, of course. Patience, and hope, and open-mindedness to new directions are good things. Sometimes if only to test our resolve and determination as we embark on something new.

As long as we keep on walking in the direction of our goals, rather than letting someone else's decisions end up dictating what we can do with our own lives.

Here's one Australian woman's blog.

What you can do while you're waiting....

also posted on Becoming and Choice Mom blogs, because it's just that important:

A 40-year-old Choice Mom-in-the-making, who lived in the D.C. area, suddenly died Christmas Day while 32.5-weeks pregnant, from the very rare pregnancy complication of HELLPS (Hemolytic anemia, Elevated Liver enzymes, and Low Platelet count).

Her baby boy was born safely, but she did not get to meet him.

On SO many levels this is tragic and makes all of us in the Choice Mom community stop with a collective gasp and remember what a blessing it is that all of us are here to enjoy the friends and family that surround us.

There are two silver linings in this woman's story.

One is that she was connected to her local Single Mothers by Choice community, which is now contributing to a trust fund in her son's name. Choice Moms is now beginning the steps toward establishing a fundraising event to involve our worldwide community. I'll continue to post here as this develops.

The second silver lining is that she was as prepared as anyone can be for this kind of tragedy.

This woman already had a guardian picked out, life insurance, and a will prepared. But most of us don't have this level of foresight, especially when we are so eager to conceive, deliver and embark on motherhood for the first time.

Choice Moms wants to help all of us become better educated about the importance of these steps BEFORE you plan to bring a child home. As Jessica, who told me about this woman's story, pointed out, many insurance companies won't give you insurance if you are pregnant.

We will be hosting an event in D.C. on May 9 (the day before Mother's Day) to help build awareness about what we need to do, as single parents, for our children legally and financially. In the meantime, while you are waiting to bring a child home, check out the ChoiceMoms.org website this month to learn more about what you can do to prepare.